I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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