Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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