whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
