I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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