you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
