I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
