Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize