It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize