I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
