Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Acid is not a monday night drug
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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