Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
