I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize