I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
