I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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