i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
