Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
