watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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