Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize