Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
