the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
