This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize