Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
