I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He did a backflip because drugs
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