either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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