i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
