Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
