I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
