Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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