i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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