Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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