my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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