Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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