ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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