I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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