when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize