Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
