You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
