After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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