So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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