Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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