He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
