Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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