i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
