what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
people are starting to question the shark bite story
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
is that a dick in a sweater?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
