You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
