Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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