I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize