nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
