Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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