angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
