I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
