omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
