Buhtt sex?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
