It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
