I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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