absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize