you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
