I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize