you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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