Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
