Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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