I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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