I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
