My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
