the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
