evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
