Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
