I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
