i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
