I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
